Coaches Thought BCS Computer Would At Least Make A Noise When Boise State Lost

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Vol 46 Issue 48

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Report: TCU Can Only Enter Big East If They Bring Girls

FORT WORTH, TX—Texas Christian University has been invited to join the Big East athletic conference, an opportunity that would grant them higher visibility and prestige, as long as they "bring some of those hot Texas girls along," Commissi...

Chiefs Accidentally Win Again

SEATTLE—In yet another victorious slip-up that baffled players, coaches, and fans alike, the Chiefs accidentally defeated the Seahawks 42-24 Sunday, inadvertently outplaying their opponent by scoring more touchdowns.

Marriage Handled Amicably

DAVENPORT, IA—Despite the bitter emotional toll it has taken on them, Beth and David Harrigan expressed relief Tuesday that they have been able to handle their 11-year marriage so amicably.

Antimicrobials May Compromise Immune System

Researchers at the University of Michigan School of Public Health found that young people with high levels of triclosan, an antimicrobial agent commonly found in soaps, were at greater risk for allergies.
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Coaches Thought BCS Computer Would At Least Make A Noise When Boise State Lost

INDIANAPOLIS—A number of college football coaches expressed disappointment last Friday following Boise State's 34-31 loss to Nevada, saying they were disappointed to learn that the BCS computer doesn't make some sort of sound to signal the defeat of the nation's No. 4–ranked team. "Everyone was all excited that it was gonna beep or buzz or do some bells or something," said Baylor University head coach Art Briles, who then imitated a foghorn several times, adding "that would have been a good one." "There wasn't even anything on the screen. There should've been like a big red 'X,' or we should've at least seen Boise State's name fall to the bottom of the rankings with a bomb-drop sound effect. Something." Following an in-depth discussion, several coaches agreed that they would like someone to program "that sound effect from Minesweeper" to play when the bowl matchups are announced.

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