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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Coaches Thought BCS Computer Would At Least Make A Noise When Boise State Lost

INDIANAPOLIS—A number of college football coaches expressed disappointment last Friday following Boise State's 34-31 loss to Nevada, saying they were disappointed to learn that the BCS computer doesn't make some sort of sound to signal the defeat of the nation's No. 4–ranked team. "Everyone was all excited that it was gonna beep or buzz or do some bells or something," said Baylor University head coach Art Briles, who then imitated a foghorn several times, adding "that would have been a good one." "There wasn't even anything on the screen. There should've been like a big red 'X,' or we should've at least seen Boise State's name fall to the bottom of the rankings with a bomb-drop sound effect. Something." Following an in-depth discussion, several coaches agreed that they would like someone to program "that sound effect from Minesweeper" to play when the bowl matchups are announced.

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