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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Coaches Thought BCS Computer Would At Least Make A Noise When Boise State Lost

INDIANAPOLIS—A number of college football coaches expressed disappointment last Friday following Boise State's 34-31 loss to Nevada, saying they were disappointed to learn that the BCS computer doesn't make some sort of sound to signal the defeat of the nation's No. 4–ranked team. "Everyone was all excited that it was gonna beep or buzz or do some bells or something," said Baylor University head coach Art Briles, who then imitated a foghorn several times, adding "that would have been a good one." "There wasn't even anything on the screen. There should've been like a big red 'X,' or we should've at least seen Boise State's name fall to the bottom of the rankings with a bomb-drop sound effect. Something." Following an in-depth discussion, several coaches agreed that they would like someone to program "that sound effect from Minesweeper" to play when the bowl matchups are announced.

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