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Coalition Of Buzzed Cousins Issues Annual Greatest Nation On Earth Rankings

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Coalition Of Buzzed Cousins Issues Annual Greatest Nation On Earth Rankings

RIVERTON, WY—Speaking at its annual summit held around the charcoal grill behind the Dillon family home, the country’s leading coalition of slightly tipsy cousins released its 2014 greatest nation on earth rankings to relatives at a backyard barbecue Saturday, sources confirmed. “No better place in the world than right here in the U.S. of fucking A—greatest country in the history of the world,” intoxicated representative Shawn Dillon, 38, said of the cousins’ unanimous decision, which was reached after roughly 11 seconds of deliberation and an average of three Bud Light Limes per person. “Nowhere else even comes close. Land of the free, you know?” While the United States earned the inebriated coalition members’ top spot for the 16th consecutive year, several observers expressed surprise at Jamaica’s addition to the rankings this year after cousin Brendon Mahoney called the island nation “pretty cool, too.”

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