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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Coast Guard Going To Let Stranded Yacht Owner Sweat It Out Little More

LONG BEACH, CA—Though fully intending to assist the man eventually, U.S. Coast Guard authorities opted to let the owner of a 60-foot yacht stranded off the California coast panic a little longer Monday, the crew of the patrol boat Garibaldi announced. “Right now there is a gentleman in a captain’s hat and baby blue polo shirt running all around the deck flailing his arms, and frankly we’d like to watch a little more of that before we come to his aid,” Captain James Todman said of the hapless owner of the pleasure craft named Sea Breeze whom he had been watching through binoculars for the past 40 minutes jumping up and down while frantically setting off an air horn. “He’s fine for now; we’ve got our eye on him. We’re just going to wait for him to try to figure out his flare gun for a little longer and let him shout a couple more ‘maydays’ into the radio before we head over there and hook up the tow rope.” At press time, Todman had given orders to send the Garibaldi toward the disabled yacht and then continue cruising past it, just to see the man’s reaction.

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