adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

College Baseball Prospect Comes Home To Find Scott Boras In Living Room

ATLANTA—Star Georgia Tech catcher Matt Wieters returned to his off-campus apartment following a 3-for-4, two RBI performance Monday, only to find a man he instantly recognized as MLB agent Scott Boras seated in a black leather swivel chair directly facing the door. "I've been expecting you," Boras reportedly said before uncrossing his legs, extinguishing his cigar, and snapping open a metal briefcase full of $100 bills. "I've been watching you, Matthew. Oh, yes, I have. And I'm going to make you a very rich man indeed. Now, I'm going to leave this briefcase here and be on my way. Do I have to tell you that I was never here? I thought not." In other Boras-related news, NC State pitching prospect Andrew Brackman recently reported falling asleep after eating a pizza delivered by "an anonymous fan" and waking up hours later bound and gagged in the back of a nondescript, windowless limousine en route to Yankee Stadium.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close