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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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College Graduate First Person In Family To Waste $160,000

WILKES-BARRE, PA—Saying that his great grandparents could have never even dreamed of squandering such a fortune, recent college graduate Eric Singer told reporters Monday that he is the first person in his family to throw away $160,000. “This level of debt was just out of reach for my father and grandfather, which makes my wasting so much money all the more meaningful,” said Singer, noting that his mother only flushed $12,000 down the toilet during her time in school. “It’s an honor to be the first in my family to experience blowing hundreds of dollars on textbooks, or meeting with financial aid officers to fill out the paperwork locking me into a lifetime of crippling interest rates. I’m destroying my credit history in a way that just wasn’t possible for them when they were my age.” Singer added that he also hopes to be the first person in his neighborhood to rack up another $200,000 in tuition bills during law school.

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