adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
End Of Section
  • More News

College Graduate First Person In Family To Waste $160,000

WILKES-BARRE, PA—Saying that his great grandparents could have never even dreamed of squandering such a fortune, recent college graduate Eric Singer told reporters Monday that he is the first person in his family to throw away $160,000. “This level of debt was just out of reach for my father and grandfather, which makes my wasting so much money all the more meaningful,” said Singer, noting that his mother only flushed $12,000 down the toilet during her time in school. “It’s an honor to be the first in my family to experience blowing hundreds of dollars on textbooks, or meeting with financial aid officers to fill out the paperwork locking me into a lifetime of crippling interest rates. I’m destroying my credit history in a way that just wasn’t possible for them when they were my age.” Singer added that he also hopes to be the first person in his neighborhood to rack up another $200,000 in tuition bills during law school.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close