College Student Still Managing To Look Like Asshole In Picture Of Village He Helped Build

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Vol 47 Issue 32

Seeing Eye Dog Really Blows Off Some Steam In Dog Park

FORT COLLINS, CO—From the moment he was let loose in a local dog park Saturday, golden retriever and licensed Seeing Eye dog Biscuit reportedly blew off some steam by jumping up to lick people's faces, urinating on smaller dogs, and chasing almost e...
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College Student Still Managing To Look Like Asshole In Picture Of Village He Helped Build

PRINCETON, NJ—Even while posing for a picture alongside impoverished people he helped provide humanitarian aid to, college junior Dave Morris—with that smug, know-it-all look on his face and that shit-eating grin you just want to smack off his mouth—still looks like a complete and total asshole, sources confirmed Wednesday. “You’d think David wouldn’t look like such a self-centered prick when he’s standing in a village where he helped install modernized plumbing and build a new school, but check out those Ray-Bans hanging around his neck and that water bottle he’s dangling from his index finger,” said classmate Ryan Brandt, adding that the photo confirms Morris even continued to gel his hair into that dipshit spike of his during the trip. “Just look at him: He’s got his polo shirt sort of half tucked in to his khaki jungle shorts, you know he probably thought he looked really cool and rugged in that stupid headband, and he’s giving the thumbs-up, like, ‘Hey, everybody, look at me—I’m the world’s biggest fuckwad.’” Fellow student Shelly Carson said that she’ll probably want to puke when Morris returns to school and talks about how the experience changed his life.

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