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College Student Still Managing To Look Like Asshole In Picture Of Village He Helped Build

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NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

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PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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College Student Still Managing To Look Like Asshole In Picture Of Village He Helped Build

PRINCETON, NJ—Even while posing for a picture alongside impoverished people he helped provide humanitarian aid to, college junior Dave Morris—with that smug, know-it-all look on his face and that shit-eating grin you just want to smack off his mouth—still looks like a complete and total asshole, sources confirmed Wednesday. “You’d think David wouldn’t look like such a self-centered prick when he’s standing in a village where he helped install modernized plumbing and build a new school, but check out those Ray-Bans hanging around his neck and that water bottle he’s dangling from his index finger,” said classmate Ryan Brandt, adding that the photo confirms Morris even continued to gel his hair into that dipshit spike of his during the trip. “Just look at him: He’s got his polo shirt sort of half tucked in to his khaki jungle shorts, you know he probably thought he looked really cool and rugged in that stupid headband, and he’s giving the thumbs-up, like, ‘Hey, everybody, look at me—I’m the world’s biggest fuckwad.’” Fellow student Shelly Carson said that she’ll probably want to puke when Morris returns to school and talks about how the experience changed his life.

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