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Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Colorado Rockies: 'What The Fuck Just Happened?'

DENVER—Days after the Boston Red Sox completed their four-game sweep to win the 2007 World Series, Colorado Rockies players dressed in full uniform were still standing on the field experiencing various degrees of shock. "We…we…we were winning lots of games? And then? Then we were losing all these games? Because the Red Sox came and hit and hit and hit and they didn't, they didn't stop…" said Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs, pointing at the left field wall with a shaking and dirty finger before turning, pointing at the right field wall, and repeating the words he has been speaking nonstop since Sunday night. "They hit here, and here, and through the gap there, and they… Oh, God, what happened? What the fuck just happened to us?" Rockies team officials released an erratically worded, hand-scrawled statement today saying they would address any psychological issues just as soon as the World Series is over.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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