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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Colorado Rockies: 'What The Fuck Just Happened?'

DENVER—Days after the Boston Red Sox completed their four-game sweep to win the 2007 World Series, Colorado Rockies players dressed in full uniform were still standing on the field experiencing various degrees of shock. "We…we…we were winning lots of games? And then? Then we were losing all these games? Because the Red Sox came and hit and hit and hit and they didn't, they didn't stop…" said Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs, pointing at the left field wall with a shaking and dirty finger before turning, pointing at the right field wall, and repeating the words he has been speaking nonstop since Sunday night. "They hit here, and here, and through the gap there, and they… Oh, God, what happened? What the fuck just happened to us?" Rockies team officials released an erratically worded, hand-scrawled statement today saying they would address any psychological issues just as soon as the World Series is over.

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