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Colorado Rockies: 'What The Fuck Just Happened?'

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Colorado Rockies: 'What The Fuck Just Happened?'

DENVER—Days after the Boston Red Sox completed their four-game sweep to win the 2007 World Series, Colorado Rockies players dressed in full uniform were still standing on the field experiencing various degrees of shock. "We…we…we were winning lots of games? And then? Then we were losing all these games? Because the Red Sox came and hit and hit and hit and they didn't, they didn't stop…" said Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs, pointing at the left field wall with a shaking and dirty finger before turning, pointing at the right field wall, and repeating the words he has been speaking nonstop since Sunday night. "They hit here, and here, and through the gap there, and they… Oh, God, what happened? What the fuck just happened to us?" Rockies team officials released an erratically worded, hand-scrawled statement today saying they would address any psychological issues just as soon as the World Series is over.

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