Colorful Multicultural Mural Celebrates Diverse Lack Of Talent

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Race Relations

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Media Stumped On How To Handle Missing Mixed-Race Woman

WASHINGTON—Struggling to find an appropriate response to a delicate situation, members of the American news media admitted Tuesday that they remained stumped on how exactly to handle the case of missing mixed-race woman Alison Johnston.

White Male Privilege Squandered On Job At Best Buy

HAMILTON, OH—Despite being the beneficiary of numerous societal advantages and having faced little to no major adversity throughout his life, local man Travis Benton has spent the last four years squandering his white male privilege on a sales floor...

Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist

LOS ANGELES—Despite occupying opposing roles in a good-cop/bad-cop dyad, LAPD officers Frank K. McGrew, 51, and Bob West, 36, have one thing in common: They're both extremely racist, 77th precinct sources reported Monday.

Black Guy Photoshopped In

AMES, IA–In the spirit of celebrating diversity at Iowa State University, a black guy was digitally added to the cover of the school's 2001 spring-semester course catalog, school officials announced Monday.

Black Executive Prominently Displayed

COLUMBUS, OH—Dennis Swann, 41, the sole black executive at Brooks Capital Management, was once again prominently displayed Monday by the Columbus-based investment firm.

White Family Moves To Town

GLENCOE, IL—Shock, outrage and fear were just some of the emotions that failed to sweep through this affluent Chicago suburb Monday, when word got out among residents that a white family had moved to town over the weekend.

Senior-Center Residents Debate New Anchorwoman's Ethnicity For Fifth Straight Evening

ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Ferndale Senior Center residents debated new Channel 27 Action News anchorwoman Sonya Luntz's ethnicity for a fifth straight day Friday, with Edward Bloch, 81, steadfastly holding to his "Mexican" theory and Muriel Simmons, 83, leaning toward Hawaiian or Indian. "If you ask me, she looks Oriental," said Jack McCallum, 79, watching Luntz on the 6 p.m. newscast. "Orientals have that shape to their face—I saw it in the war." Luntz's ethnicity will be put to an official senior-center vote this Thursday.

Reformist Ku Klux Klan Splinter Group Claims Blacks, Jews May Be Partially Human

BIRMINGHAM, AL—For nearly 150 years, the Ku Klux Klan has been steadfast in its commitment to the ideals of its founders. These traditional values—preservation of White cultural heritage, strict adherence to Christian principles, and broad-based coalition-building against the inferior dog-races of Asia and Africa—have served to strengthen the Klan throughout its long and proud history.

Nazi SS Cemetery Desecrated By Pro-Semitic Graffiti

DARMSTADT, GERMANY–Residents of this quiet Rhineland city awoke Monday to discover that Heinrich Himmler Memorial Cemetery, the final resting place of over 200 Nazi SS Officers who gave their lives for Germany in World War II, had been desecrated during the night with pro-Semitic graffiti.
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Colorful Multicultural Mural Celebrates Diverse Lack Of Talent

COLUMBUS, OH—A brightly colored multicultural mural on the side of the Walker Street Community Center has brought together Columbus' many diverse ethnic communities in a celebration of talentless painting. "The young people of this city have given us something we truly can kind of be proud of," City Councilman Terrence Fordham said Monday at the bad mural's dedication ceremony. "These ham-fisted dollops of garish paint and barely recognizable human figures are a joyous tribute to the gorgeous mosaic that is Columbus."

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