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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Colts Claim To Still Be Undefeated: 'We Beat Ourselves'

DALLAS—Indianapolis Colts players and coaches informed reporters that their team still remains undefeated despite their poor showing against the Dallas Cowboys last Sunday, claiming that the Colts had in fact beaten themselves with a poor offense and a defense that collapsed in the latter part of the second half and had, therefore, technically won. "Let's get this straight—the only team capable of beating the Indianapolis Colts is the Indianapolis Colts. And, since we clearly did so, it follows logically that we're still undefeated," said Colts head coach Tony Dungy during a post-game press conference, adding that he is pleased that his team is still leading the American Football Conference by two games. "I have to tell you, it feels good to be 10-0. It might not have been pretty, but a win's a win." Dungy said he has already told his players to forget about this week's victory, and stressed that he was concentrating on making the playoffs and "hardly wasting any time whatsoever" thinking about staying undefeated.

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