adBlockCheck

Colts Tap Quarterback Peyton Manning To Start Playoff Game

Top Headlines

Sports

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Colts Tap Quarterback Peyton Manning To Start Playoff Game

INDIANAPOLIS—Indianapolis Colts head coach Jim Caldwell told reporters Thursday he has decided to start 13-year veteran and 11-time Pro Bowler Peyton Manning at quarterback for Saturday's wild-card matchup against the New York Jets. "After much deliberation, we believe that Peyton's four MVP awards and one Super Bowl ring give us the best chance to win," said Caldwell, adding that Manning being a first-ballot Hall of Famer "factored somewhat" into his final decision. "Curtis Painter is a promising young player, but at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, 'Do I go with the guy who has 28 career pass attempts or with the fastest player in NFL history to reach 1,000 completions, 2,000 completions, 3,000 completions, and 4,000 completions?'" Caldwell concluded the press conference by stressing that it's "always week-to-week," but Manning would likely be the frontrunner to start a divisional matchup should he lead the team to victory Saturday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close