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Scientology Minister Accused Of Molesting Thetans

The Church of Scientology plunged into scandal Thursday when Frank D. Linehan, a prominent minister who has helped thousands of parishioners move up the Bridge to Total Freedom and achieve Clear, was arrested on 471 charges of molesting alien thetans.

Biggest Announcements From E3

Each June, E3, or The Electronic Entertainment Expo, hosts game developers showing off their latest products. Here are this year’s most exciting announcements:

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Comedy Central To Air Touching Man Show Reunion

LOS ANGELES—Comedy Central executive producer Howard Lapides announced Monday that the network will broadcast a Man Show reunion starring former hosts Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla Friday. "Jimmy and Adam joined their old pals Baby Barry and the Juggies to tape the special yesterday, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house," Lapides said. "Watching those trampolines in action again—really just the very sight of those two smirking scamps—was, well, let's just say it was a touching evening." Adam Carolla was unavailable for comment, as he was taping a Too Late With Adam Carolla reunion in anticipation of the show's cancellation.

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