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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Comics Not Just For Kids Anymore, Reports 85,000th Mainstream News Story

NEWSSTAND—Though comics have long been considered a favorite pastime of children and teenagers, the continued popularity of comic books and movies for adults proves the genre isn't just for kids anymore, bold national news outlets reported for the 85,000th time this week. "Exchanging lighthearted fare for darker subject matter, films like The Dark Knight Rises and graphic novels by authors such as Chris Ware show that comics can have immense appeal for adults," read the groundbreaking article, making an astute and truly mind-blowing observation that had only been made 84,999 times before. "You may think adult-oriented comic books are merely the province of Archie and Jughead, but if the current trend is any indication, one thing remains clear: Comics are growing up." The incredibly perceptive and original article also specifically mentioned the work of writer Alan Moore, an obscure reference point that has only been used in every single article like this ever written.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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