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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Commentator Charles Barkley Objects To Hall Of Fame Induction Of Suns Forward Charles Barkley

ATLANTA—TNT basketball analyst Charles Barkley took time during last night's broadcast of Inside The NBA to lash out at the National Basketball Association's Hall of Fame selection committee for choosing to induct former Suns forward Charles Barkley. "He only averaged 22 points, 11 rebounds, and four assists for his career," Barkley said, shocking co-hosts Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith. "Anyone can do that. Hell, even I could do that." Barkley also noted that Barkley moved around to several teams, retired long after he should have, and is "most likely only getting inducted because of his personality." "I like a funny guy," Barkley said, "but I don't want to be a part of a league where somebody gets into the Hall of Fame just because he can crack a joke." Inductee Charles Barkley refused to address Charles Barkley's remarks, saying only that Barkley should focus more on the facts rather than blatant editorializing.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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