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Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time To Play Games

In a sudden departure from their long-held stance of not being here to play games and not, in fact, having the time to play games, the nation’s hardass cops announced Wednesday they had finally carved out a couple hours during which games could be p...

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Committee Of College Basketball Nets: 'Please Stop Cutting Us'

SAN ANTONIO—The Committee of College Basketball Nets, a social responsibility coalition consisting of 31 basketball nets from all NCAA Division I conferences, used the University of Kansas' 75-68 victory over the University of Memphis Monday as a platform to further their cause of preventing celebrating players and coaches from savagely cutting down basketball nets. "As we speak, another two nets have been lost," basketball net ACC told reporters during a press conference, adding that though it understands the importance of tradition, the cutting down of college basketball nets with scissors is "an inherently barbaric practice that has no place in civilized society." "Those nets that were cut tonight had futures. They might have gone on to be with a family in a backyard or driveway somewhere—maybe they could have even gone pro. But instead they were cut down in their prime. Please, on behalf of all of us, stop." When asked if the net had any other causes it wanted to champion, it responded, "Other then wanting people to stop cutting basketball nets? No."

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