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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Company Posts Job Listing As If Position Not Already Filled By Existing Employee's Friend

WALTHAM, MA—Software developer WebTek Network Solutions went ahead and posted a listing for a job this morning as if the purportedly open position hadn’t already been promised to a friend of one the company’s current employees, sources confirmed Monday. “Seeking full-time sales rep for rapidly growing software business,” reads the Monster.com listing, as though the company were actively seeking a qualified individual to fill the position and hadn’t already informally hired a college roommate of WebTek associate marketing director Jeff Corbett. “Desired candidate must be energetic self-starter willing to expand client base in multiple targeted growth sectors. We offer comprehensive benefits, telecommuting opportunities, and a highly competitive base salary + bonuses. Starts immediately.” At press time, WebTek’s human resources manager had reportedly called five leading applicants to set up in-person interviews for the nonexistent position.

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