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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Company Posts Job Listing As If Position Not Already Filled By Existing Employee's Friend

WALTHAM, MA—Software developer WebTek Network Solutions went ahead and posted a listing for a job this morning as if the purportedly open position hadn’t already been promised to a friend of one the company’s current employees, sources confirmed Monday. “Seeking full-time sales rep for rapidly growing software business,” reads the Monster.com listing, as though the company were actively seeking a qualified individual to fill the position and hadn’t already informally hired a college roommate of WebTek associate marketing director Jeff Corbett. “Desired candidate must be energetic self-starter willing to expand client base in multiple targeted growth sectors. We offer comprehensive benefits, telecommuting opportunities, and a highly competitive base salary + bonuses. Starts immediately.” At press time, WebTek’s human resources manager had reportedly called five leading applicants to set up in-person interviews for the nonexistent position.

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