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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Company To Get Head Start On Christmas Layoffs This Year

OAK BROOK, IL—Confirming their intention not to wait until the last minute the way they usually do, executives at Visatex Inc. said Friday they planned to get an early start on this year's Christmas layoffs. "I'm always so busy that I've been getting to our layoff list later and later each holiday season," said CEO Thomas Bar≠naby, adding that some of his more organized executive friends get all their terminations out of the way by Thanksgiving. "Last year we got so backed up that a few people didn't find out they were getting let go until Christmas Eve." Company officials added that they hoped the head start would give them a chance to actually relax and enjoy the holidays for once.

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