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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Company's Employees Spend Entire Day Touching Base

SEATTLE—According to sources, employees at Gibbons Tech Supply Distribution spent most of Monday touching base. "I'm going to touch base with Kevin on this, and then let's loop Amy in just so we're all on the same page," said Peter McEntire, supervising manager for Gibbons Tech, who spent five of his eight-hour workday touching base with clients via e-mail and CC'ing coworkers. "It's important to make sure everyone's up to speed." Sources re­ported that by day's end, all essential Gibbons employees had been filled in except for assistant sales manager Ted Breskin.

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