adBlockCheck

Business

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Home Depot Employee Can Tell This Customer’s First Attempt At Pipe Bomb

APPLETON, WI—Shaking his head Monday as the customer selected a length of plastic pipe over a stronger metal alternative and placed it into his shopping cart, local Home Depot sales associate Graham Warner, 57, was reportedly able to tell right away that this was the store patron’s first attempt at making a pipe bomb.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

KFC Introduces New Previously Owned 20-Piece Hot Wings

LOUISVILLE, KY—In an effort to meet the changing demands of its consumers, fast-food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken announced Wednesday that it has begun offering customers the option of purchasing, at a significant discount, a 20-piece box of pre-owned hot wings.

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

New Mountain Dew Vows To Kill 99.9% Of Stomach Bacteria

PURCHASE, NY—Touting the beverage’s refreshing citrus taste, tongue-tingling carbonation, and prescription-strength antimicrobial properties, PepsiCo officials announced Wednesday that their newest product, Mountain Dew Code White, kills 99.9 percent of consumers’ stomach bacteria.

Heart Attack A Real Wake-Up Call For Man’s Insurance Provider

HARTFORD, CT—Saying the incident had forced them to completely rethink their past decisions about the man’s coverage and how they would approach his policy from here on out, Aetna executives reported Thursday that the recent heart attack of longtime plan member Michael Burns was a real wake-up call for the 163-year-old insurance company.
End Of Section
  • More News

Company’s HR Manager Really Pushing Infinite-Deductible Health Care Plan

Schultz touts the infinite-deductible health plan’s $110 monthly premium, which she said is less than a third of the cost of the company’s PPO.
Schultz touts the infinite-deductible health plan’s $110 monthly premium, which she said is less than a third of the cost of the company’s PPO.

ROCHESTER, NY—During a meeting with new hires Wednesday to discuss employee benefits, Radian Analytics human resources manager Ellen Schultz is said to have strongly pushed the company’s infinite-deductible health care option.

According to sources in attendance, Schultz described the low-premium, infinite-deductible plan as the simplest and most convenient choice available to employees, and said it works the same whether plan members need to visit their primary care physician, fill a prescription, or be admitted to a hospital, allowing them in each case to pay 100 percent of the incurred medical expenses.

Company officials explained that the health care option had been set up to address complaints employees had with previous plans, which often came with confusing paperwork and long wait times for reimbursement, problems that have disappeared now that the limitless deductibles have eliminated any need to even bother filing a claim.

“With our Infinity Plan, you’ll see only a very small amount deducted from each paycheck, and then all you’ll have to do is pay as you go for whatever health care you may need,” said Schultz, adding that employees who select the package will never need to worry about obtaining preauthorization for any procedure and can simply pay a bill in full upon receiving it from their medical provider. “What’s more, it doesn’t matter if your doctor is in-network or out-of-network. The coverage is the same either way.”

“It really couldn’t be any easier: Absolutely no services or medications are excluded from the plan, and there’s no annual cap on benefits,” she continued. “In other words, you can use the Infinity Plan for anything, and use it as much as you want—no ifs, ands, or buts.”

Schultz went on to state that under most other health insurance plans, patients are responsible for co-pays in addition to their deductible, charges of $50, $100, or sometimes more that can add up quickly and unexpectedly. However, she said, there are no such co-pays under the Infinity Plan, so those who join it can rest assured that every cent they pay out of pocket will be applied directly to their infinite deductible.

Company officials explained that the health care option had been set up to address complaints employees had with previous plans, which often came with confusing paperwork and long wait times for reimbursement, problems that have disappeared now that the limitless deductibles have eliminated any need to even bother filing a claim.

“Best of all, the Infinity Plan lets you set up a health savings account, so you can pay the full list price of every single drug or medical procedure you need with pre-tax income and a convenient debit card,” said Schultz, noting that the policy also covers all dental work, elective cosmetic procedures, and specialist visits, with or without a referral. “We have year-round open enrollment for this option, so you can join anytime you like and even apply it retroactively back to your first day of employment.”

“For those of you with dependents, I’d recommend the Infinity Plus Plan, which has a slightly higher premium but comes with one infinite deductible for your whole family,” Schultz added.

At press time, Schultz was reportedly explaining to the new hires that all 401(k) contributions made by employees would be matched with a dollar-for-dollar withdrawal by the company.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close