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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Compassionate Fisherman Doesn’t Have Heart To Throw Trout Back Into Incredibly Polluted Lake

KNOX, ND—Saying he had no desire to cause any animal unnecessary suffering, compassionate fisherman Dan Larson reportedly said Monday that he didn’t have the heart to throw a trout back into an incredibly polluted lake. “I just fish for fun and relaxation, not to hurt anything, and it’d be cruel to toss him back in there with all that garbage,” said Larson, adding that he simply couldn’t bear the thought of returning the fish to the lake where it was likely to choke to death on a plastic wrapper or get snagged in a roll of rusted metal wire, if it wasn’t already slowly being killed by runoff from the abandoned chemical drums floating in the water. “Honestly, he’d even be better off mounted on my basement wall than having to spend another day in that disgusting pool of filth. Poor guy—look at him.” At press time, Larson had beaten the fish with a paddle until the animal’s gasping finally stopped.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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