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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Complete Idiot Still Thinks Brittany Murphy Dating Jeff Kwatinetz

CINCINNATI—Out-of-the-loop moron Karen Lenz stunned everyone within earshot Monday when she said Brittany Murphy was still dating Jeff Kwatinetz. "Isn't Brittany Murphy that teen star who's engaged to that agent?" said Lenz, who has apparently been in a coma since May 2004, when Kwatinetz and Murphy split. Sources close to the dumbbell said she's so retarded, she wasn't even aware that Murphy attended a guest screening of the film Bad Education last month, escorted by an anonymous hunk of arm candy.

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