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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Completely Unknown Employee Begins Sending Email Updates To Office

RUTLAND, VT—According to employees at Innovo Digital Marketing, a series of emails sent this week updating them on upcoming office functions, the addition of new hires, maintenance issues, and a variety of other workplace matters are being sent from a coworker they have never heard of in their lives. “Yesterday, out of the blue, we got an email from someone named Karen asking if there was any interest in forming an office softball team. Who the fuck is Karen?” sales representative Andrew Bartlett said of the email titled “Update: Softball and Summer Hours,” which reportedly began, “Hey everyone, just received more info about the softball league,” and concluded, “Thanks guys! –Karen.” “You’d think there would have been some kind of preface or introductory note on the first email, but nope. Apparently this person is under the impression we know who she is. Her email signature says she is our company’s VP of Events Coordination. Do we even have one of those?” At press time, sources were reporting oh yeah, that Karen.

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