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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Completely Unrealistic TV Character Has Complex, Multifaceted Personality

NEW YORK—According to a number of prominent television critics nationwide, the HBO series Boardwalk Empire stretches belief to the breaking point by featuring an incredibly implausible main character who is a complex human being with a layered, ambiguous, and nuanced personality. “I honestly want to like Nucky, the main character, but it’s frankly really hard to swallow this super unrealistic fantasy universe where human beings act with purpose, have complicated thoughts and opinions, are motivated by coherent desires, and are more than just superficial, mindless stereotypes,” wrote Washington Post TV critic Hank Stuever in a recent column, adding that while individuals in the real world drift thoughtlessly through their entire unexamined lives, the show’s incredibly far-fetched protagonist seemed to have a deep inner life, an actual original point of view, and a sense of moral conflict. “The whole premise that there are people out there with a full, expressive range of emotions, and a worldview that is willing to see things in more shades than simply black and white, is just completely preposterous. I mean, do the writers seriously expect us to buy this nonsense?” Stuever conceded, however, that he found the show’s depiction of a bleak, inhospitable universe “just about right on the money.”

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