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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Compliment Suspiciously Vague

ST. CHARLES, MO–According to area secretary Iris Sheehan, co-worker Ellen Higgins' compliment of her new hairstyle was suspiciously vague. "I asked Ellen how she liked my new 'do, and she said it was 'really something.' What the heck does that mean?" Sheehan said. "When I asked her to explain, she said, 'It just suits you really well.'" Sheehan said she has not been this upset over a vague compliment since May 1999, when a friend described her singing voice as "very energetic."

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