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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Compromising Company’s Values For Advertising Revenue Referred To As ‘Partnering’

LOS ANGELES—Announcing a new business deal between the online media website and a major national advertiser Tuesday, Flux Media CEO Rich Lange reportedly described the wholesale disavowal of his company’s longstanding core values in exchange for ad sales revenue as a “brand partnership.” “Flux is a proud leader in delivering fresh, original content to readers, and we’re pleased to work alongside our new partner Checkers Drive-In restaurants,” said Lange in a company-wide email, describing an upcoming series of integrated on-site advertisements that will fully erode the company’s integrity in the eyes of both its employees and readers as “an exciting, innovative new venture.” “Checkers Drive-In is committed to working closely with our brand as we continue to produce the best, most relevant content on the internet, and I’m sure this is just the start of a long, productive, and mutually beneficial relationship.” At press time, sources reported that the company had taken additional steps toward completely eradicating its founding principles and any remaining shred of self-respect by promising to “evolve [its] business model” over the coming year.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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