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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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Conceptual Genius Goes As Self For Halloween

‘He Himself Is The Costume,’ Say Amazed Onlookers

SHERMAN OAKS, CA—Brilliantly subverting the very idea of a costume, conceptual genius Mark Richards, 27, reportedly stunned his fellow partygoers Friday when he announced that he had dressed as himself for Halloween. “This man looks no different than normal, yet he is in costume; the costume and he are one and the same!” said awed witness Kayla Hunt, speculating that Richards must have spent months or even years devising such a groundbreaking, visionary concept before debuting it for the lucky few party attendees in his coworker’s one-bedroom apartment. “It’s so elegantly simple and at once unfathomably complex. It begs the question: Where does the costume end and the man begin? Perhaps we can never truly know.” A dumbfounded Hunt went on to suggest that it now may be impossible for Richards to take off his remarkable costume even if he wanted.


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