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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Concerned Parents Demand Removal Of Arsenic From Periodic Table Of Elements

GRAND RAPIDS, MI–Citing the threat posed to their children's safety, a Grand Rapids-area parents group is calling for the removal of arsenic from the periodic table of elements. "Our schoolchildren, some as young as the fourth grade, are being exposed to this deadly element in their science classes," said Tricia Montcalm, president of the Grand Rapids Parents Association. "We insist that this poison be removed from the periodic table and replaced with a safe, non-toxic element." To date, the group has raised over $4,500 for the development of a replacement element, "Nickelodeum," a springy, child-safe play foam with an atomic number of 33.

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