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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Concert Security Guard Would Willingly Give His Life To Protect Coldplay

CHULA VISTA, CA—Twenty-four-year-old security guard Ian Moran told reporters Tuesday that he would gladly lay down his life to protect the members of Coldplay during their upcoming show at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre. "I hope it doesn't come to that, but if [lead singer] Chris [Martin] is in danger, it's my job to take a bullet for him if I have to," said Moran, who has been struck in the head by beer bottles on three separate occasions while protecting Good Charlotte, Ozzy Osbourne, and Sheryl Crow, respectively. "A secure Coldplay concert is bigger than just one man." Coworkers said Moran started taking his responsibilities very seriously after a 2006 show at which he was unable to prevent overzealous fans from stealing Tim McGraw's cowboy hat, an incident for which he has never forgiven himself.

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