adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
End Of Section
  • More News

Concert Security Guard Would Willingly Give His Life To Protect Coldplay

CHULA VISTA, CA—Twenty-four-year-old security guard Ian Moran told reporters Tuesday that he would gladly lay down his life to protect the members of Coldplay during their upcoming show at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre. "I hope it doesn't come to that, but if [lead singer] Chris [Martin] is in danger, it's my job to take a bullet for him if I have to," said Moran, who has been struck in the head by beer bottles on three separate occasions while protecting Good Charlotte, Ozzy Osbourne, and Sheryl Crow, respectively. "A secure Coldplay concert is bigger than just one man." Coworkers said Moran started taking his responsibilities very seriously after a 2006 show at which he was unable to prevent overzealous fans from stealing Tim McGraw's cowboy hat, an incident for which he has never forgiven himself.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close