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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Concert Spent Constantly Verifying Presence Of Coat-Check Ticket In Pocket

PROVIDENCE, RI—Eric Zamore, 28, reportedly spent the majority of a concert Friday night frantically confirming that his coat-check ticket was still in his pants pocket. "I got really freaked out for a second because I thought I'd left [the ticket] at the bar, but it turned out I'd just moved it to a different pocket," said Zamore, recalling how he had transferred the numbered paper stub for safekeeping while getting out some money to pay for a drink. "After that, I kept my hands in my jeans pockets so I could keep better tabs on it. I tried to applaud between songs, but got tired of doing all that double-checking afterward." Zamore was later seen claiming his coat early and listening to the show's 25-minute encore with his down parka tied around his waist.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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