adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Concussed Texas Tech Receiver After Emerging From Dark Shed: 'That Was Exactly What I Needed'

LUBBOCK, TX—Adam James, whom Red Raiders head coach Mike Leach confined to a dark storage shed after suspecting the player of exaggerating or fabricating a head injury, emerged from isolation Monday saying he "felt great" and that his time in the shed was "exactly what [he] needed." "At first I thought it sounded stupid, even kind of cruel, but I have to admit it worked like a charm. My head feels awesome, 100 percent," said James, who was surprised to learn that during his recuperation Leach had been fired. "That shed is magic. Coach was right all along. He's a great guy." James' father, ESPN college football reporter Craig James, has taken time to praise Leach and his shed-confinement practice on the air and will reportedly contact university officials to advocate Leach's reinstatement.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close