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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Concussed Texas Tech Receiver After Emerging From Dark Shed: 'That Was Exactly What I Needed'

LUBBOCK, TX—Adam James, whom Red Raiders head coach Mike Leach confined to a dark storage shed after suspecting the player of exaggerating or fabricating a head injury, emerged from isolation Monday saying he "felt great" and that his time in the shed was "exactly what [he] needed." "At first I thought it sounded stupid, even kind of cruel, but I have to admit it worked like a charm. My head feels awesome, 100 percent," said James, who was surprised to learn that during his recuperation Leach had been fired. "That shed is magic. Coach was right all along. He's a great guy." James' father, ESPN college football reporter Craig James, has taken time to praise Leach and his shed-confinement practice on the air and will reportedly contact university officials to advocate Leach's reinstatement.

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