ELMHURST, IL—Furrowing his brow and nodding along to his wife’s pricing and location concerns Tuesday, local man Grant Foster’s sole contribution to the search for a new home has reportedly been to periodically tell his wife he wishes he knew how to help.
PANAMA CITY BEACH, FL—Officials of the Spring Break Challenge Bar Food Speed Feed say that conditions in Panama City are "absolutely perfect" for their competitive-eating contest this Saturday. "We've got good warm weather, clear skies, no wind, and a nice 60 percent humidity, which is what you look for in an endurance event like this," BFSF organizer C. Roman Kozlowski said from the presidential ballroom of the Panama City Hotel and Casino. "And, most importantly, we've got a 60-foot table full of jalapeño poppers, barbequed ribs, Buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks, onion blossoms, mini-corn dogs, and chili-cheese fries. It's a great day for speed-eating." Kozlowski could not remember conditions being this favorable for professional gurgitation since overseeing the Huevos Rancheros Rodeo at this same location last weekend.