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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Conditions Ideal For Eating Competition

PANAMA CITY BEACH, FL—Officials of the Spring Break Challenge Bar Food Speed Feed say that conditions in Panama City are "absolutely perfect" for their competitive-eating contest this Saturday. "We've got good warm weather, clear skies, no wind, and a nice 60 percent humidity, which is what you look for in an endurance event like this," BFSF organizer C. Roman Kozlowski said from the presidential ballroom of the Panama City Hotel and Casino. "And, most importantly, we've got a 60-foot table full of jalapeño poppers, barbequed ribs, Buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks, onion blossoms, mini-corn dogs, and chili-cheese fries. It's a great day for speed-eating." Kozlowski could not remember conditions being this favorable for professional gurgitation since overseeing the Huevos Rancheros Rodeo at this same location last weekend.

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