Conditions Ideal For Eating Competition

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Vol 42 Issue 18

British: UFOs Aren't Real

A recently declassified British Ministry of Defence report says that UFOs can be explained as natural, though bizarre, phenomena. What do you...

Al-Jazeera In English?

Al-Jazeera, the Arab news station, is preparing to launch an international English-language version of their channel. What do you think?

FDA Still Against Medical Pot

Despite mounting evidence to support it, the FDA has reaffirmed its stance against the use of medical marijuana. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Conditions Ideal For Eating Competition

PANAMA CITY BEACH, FL—Officials of the Spring Break Challenge Bar Food Speed Feed say that conditions in Panama City are "absolutely perfect" for their competitive-eating contest this Saturday. "We've got good warm weather, clear skies, no wind, and a nice 60 percent humidity, which is what you look for in an endurance event like this," BFSF organizer C. Roman Kozlowski said from the presidential ballroom of the Panama City Hotel and Casino. "And, most importantly, we've got a 60-foot table full of jalapeño poppers, barbequed ribs, Buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks, onion blossoms, mini-corn dogs, and chili-cheese fries. It's a great day for speed-eating." Kozlowski could not remember conditions being this favorable for professional gurgitation since overseeing the Huevos Rancheros Rodeo at this same location last weekend.
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