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Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Condoleezza Rice Drives Halfway To Airport Before Realizing She Forgot Interpreter

WASHINGTON, DC—Just 15 minutes away from Dulles International Airport yesterday, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reportedly shouted to herself, muttered an expletive under her breath, and made a sharp U-turn across four lanes of highway when she realized she had left her interpreter at home, Deputy Secretary of State John D. Negroponte confirmed.

"Secretary Rice has had a lot on her mind recently, and even though she left her interpreter out in an obvious place the night before her important visit to the Mideast, well, sometimes these things happen," said Negroponte, who claimed that frustrating mistakes occur among high-ranking officials more than one would think. "Good thing her toll-booth collector had a thick Pakistani accent."

Rice, reportedly driving at speeds exceeding 100 mph, called an assistant when she was 10 minutes away from her house and ordered him to have the interpreter ready as soon as she pulled into the driveway.

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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

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