adBlockCheck

Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
End Of Section
  • More News

Condoleezza Rice Drives Halfway To Airport Before Realizing She Forgot Interpreter

WASHINGTON, DC—Just 15 minutes away from Dulles International Airport yesterday, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice reportedly shouted to herself, muttered an expletive under her breath, and made a sharp U-turn across four lanes of highway when she realized she had left her interpreter at home, Deputy Secretary of State John D. Negroponte confirmed.

"Secretary Rice has had a lot on her mind recently, and even though she left her interpreter out in an obvious place the night before her important visit to the Mideast, well, sometimes these things happen," said Negroponte, who claimed that frustrating mistakes occur among high-ranking officials more than one would think. "Good thing her toll-booth collector had a thick Pakistani accent."

Rice, reportedly driving at speeds exceeding 100 mph, called an assistant when she was 10 minutes away from her house and ordered him to have the interpreter ready as soon as she pulled into the driveway.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close