DEERFIELD, IL—Touting its foundational values of hard work, honesty, and integrity, drugstore giant Walgreens confirmed Wednesday it is proud of its origins as a small business that in today’s economy would absolutely never have been able to get off the ground.
NEW YORK—Sources at the NuVista advertising agency have confirmed only moments ago that the ongoing conference call with headquarters in Chicago is going awesome. According to marketing agent Jared Meader, the call, which is currently taking place in the office's glass-walled conference room, has not only managed to secure the input of both vice president/account supervisors, but has reportedly "blown through" three new-market initiatives in under 40 minutes. "John [Shore] just gave everyone a thumbs-up," Meader said. "It's going better than we thought." As of press time, the conference call has not yet ended, though Meader said there is no indication that the call is going any less awesome than it was before.