LOS ANGELES—Weighing the pros and cons of the palm-muted low-E-string lick, Metallica’s 12-member board of directors reportedly debated Wednesday whether lead guitarist Kirk Hammet’s newest riff might negatively impact the band’s shareholder value.
NEW YORK—Sources at the NuVista advertising agency have confirmed only moments ago that the ongoing conference call with headquarters in Chicago is going awesome. According to marketing agent Jared Meader, the call, which is currently taking place in the office's glass-walled conference room, has not only managed to secure the input of both vice president/account supervisors, but has reportedly "blown through" three new-market initiatives in under 40 minutes. "John [Shore] just gave everyone a thumbs-up," Meader said. "It's going better than we thought." As of press time, the conference call has not yet ended, though Meader said there is no indication that the call is going any less awesome than it was before.