Confident Phil Mickelson Guarantees Tiger Woods Will Win Masters

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Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods, Lindsey Vonn Blame Breakup On Hectic Sex Lives

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Explaining that the pressures of their day-to-day commitments had given them no other choice but to end their three-year relationship, golf star Tiger Woods and Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn released a joint statement Wednesday blaming their breakup on their hectic sex lives.

Terms Of Tiger's Divorce

Former super-couple Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren are making it official with one of the highest-profile divorces in sports. Here's how it will work:

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

Tiger's Slump

Despite one great come-from-behind tournament win, Tiger Woods has not been the same golfer since returning from surgery. Some signs he's not...

Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods may be the greatest golfer of all time, but how great does that make him?

Tiger Woods Putts Baby Into Diaper

ORLANDO, FL—Tiger Woods added yet another accomplishment to his already outstanding résumé Sunday when the 13-time major winner successfully putted his baby daughter, five-month-old Sam Alexis Woods, into a fresh Huggies...

Tiger Woods Reveals He Is Zach Johnson

AUGUSTA, GA—World No. 1-ranked golfer Tiger Woods, after appearing to struggle through the weekend—playing with uncharacteristic inconsistency, bogeying twice in the final rounds, and breaking clubs—shocked the crowd at Augusta...

Nike's $100 Million Man

Tiger Woods recently signed a fiv-year, $100 million contract with Nike. What are the conditions of Wood's contract?
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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

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Confident Phil Mickelson Guarantees Tiger Woods Will Win Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—After bogeying the 18th hole yesterday during a practice round at Augusta National, 2006 Masters Champion Phil Mickelson told reporters that he is "absolutely 100 percent certain" that this is Tiger Woods' tournament. "I don't mean to sound cocky, but it's just a confidence thing—I guarantee I'll be placing another green jacket on Tiger Woods come Sunday," Mickelson said, adding that Woods is the only one on the PGA Tour who can handle Augusta's length, the fast greens, and the pressure of competing on golf's most glorious stage. "It's no contest. You heard it here first, folks. We might as well just give Tiger the prize money now, as far as I'm concerned." When asked how he himself might fare at the event, Mickelson said he had "no idea" but would gladly settle for fifth.

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