MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Confident Phil Mickelson Guarantees Tiger Woods Will Win Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—After bogeying the 18th hole yesterday during a practice round at Augusta National, 2006 Masters Champion Phil Mickelson told reporters that he is "absolutely 100 percent certain" that this is Tiger Woods' tournament. "I don't mean to sound cocky, but it's just a confidence thing—I guarantee I'll be placing another green jacket on Tiger Woods come Sunday," Mickelson said, adding that Woods is the only one on the PGA Tour who can handle Augusta's length, the fast greens, and the pressure of competing on golf's most glorious stage. "It's no contest. You heard it here first, folks. We might as well just give Tiger the prize money now, as far as I'm concerned." When asked how he himself might fare at the event, Mickelson said he had "no idea" but would gladly settle for fifth.

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