adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Confident Phil Mickelson Guarantees Tiger Woods Will Win Masters

AUGUSTA, GA—After bogeying the 18th hole yesterday during a practice round at Augusta National, 2006 Masters Champion Phil Mickelson told reporters that he is "absolutely 100 percent certain" that this is Tiger Woods' tournament. "I don't mean to sound cocky, but it's just a confidence thing—I guarantee I'll be placing another green jacket on Tiger Woods come Sunday," Mickelson said, adding that Woods is the only one on the PGA Tour who can handle Augusta's length, the fast greens, and the pressure of competing on golf's most glorious stage. "It's no contest. You heard it here first, folks. We might as well just give Tiger the prize money now, as far as I'm concerned." When asked how he himself might fare at the event, Mickelson said he had "no idea" but would gladly settle for fifth.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close