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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Confused Bill Simmons Picks The Departed To Win Super Bowl

LOS ANGELES—Pop-culture enthusiast and sportswriter Bill Simmons, a regular columnist for ESPN's Page 2, was evidently suffering from genre confusion earlier this week when he picked Martin Scorsese's The Departed to win Super Bowl XLI. "The Departed just has a ton of upside that you can't ignore—it's got great chemistry, it keeps up the intensity all the way through, and it's got a hungry underdog coach who hasn't won the big one," Simmons wrote, adding that The Departed's only weakness may be that the film "lacks a clear cut offensive MVP to fill the role Brandon Walsh played for the great Dallas Cowboys dynasties." "This pick has nothing to do with my obvious hometown bias, but the city of Boston deserves to win the Oscar, especially after Mystic River's 2004 collapse when it eventually succumbed to Billy Crystal's heartbreaking missed field goal." Simmons added that if The Departed doesn't win the Super Bowl, it will be eerily reminiscent of the time the expansion Florida Marlins "practically stole" the Best New Artist Grammy from the Colorado Rockies in 1993.

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