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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Confused Bill Simmons Picks The Departed To Win Super Bowl

LOS ANGELES—Pop-culture enthusiast and sportswriter Bill Simmons, a regular columnist for ESPN's Page 2, was evidently suffering from genre confusion earlier this week when he picked Martin Scorsese's The Departed to win Super Bowl XLI. "The Departed just has a ton of upside that you can't ignore—it's got great chemistry, it keeps up the intensity all the way through, and it's got a hungry underdog coach who hasn't won the big one," Simmons wrote, adding that The Departed's only weakness may be that the film "lacks a clear cut offensive MVP to fill the role Brandon Walsh played for the great Dallas Cowboys dynasties." "This pick has nothing to do with my obvious hometown bias, but the city of Boston deserves to win the Oscar, especially after Mystic River's 2004 collapse when it eventually succumbed to Billy Crystal's heartbreaking missed field goal." Simmons added that if The Departed doesn't win the Super Bowl, it will be eerily reminiscent of the time the expansion Florida Marlins "practically stole" the Best New Artist Grammy from the Colorado Rockies in 1993.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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