adBlockCheck

Confused Cubs Think They're Going To Arizona To Start Spring Training

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Confused Cubs Think They're Going To Arizona To Start Spring Training

PHOENIX—Chicago Cubs players reluctantly followed Coach Lou Pinella's orders to pack their equipment for a trip to Arizona Monday, causing many on the ball club to wonder why they were starting spring training nearly six months ahead of schedule. "Last offseason I at least got to spend a little time with my family," said Cubs second baseman Ryan Theriot while examining the unusual 2007 MLB Playoff patch on the right sleeve of his jersey. "We must have done something right this season, though, because I heard our first exhibition game is already sold out." Upon their arrival to Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, Theriot's theory regarding the team's improvement was immediately abandoned when he realized that the fans who had gathered to greet the Cubs were in fact booing them mercilessly.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close