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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Confused Cubs Think They're Going To Arizona To Start Spring Training

PHOENIX—Chicago Cubs players reluctantly followed Coach Lou Pinella's orders to pack their equipment for a trip to Arizona Monday, causing many on the ball club to wonder why they were starting spring training nearly six months ahead of schedule. "Last offseason I at least got to spend a little time with my family," said Cubs second baseman Ryan Theriot while examining the unusual 2007 MLB Playoff patch on the right sleeve of his jersey. "We must have done something right this season, though, because I heard our first exhibition game is already sold out." Upon their arrival to Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport, Theriot's theory regarding the team's improvement was immediately abandoned when he realized that the fans who had gathered to greet the Cubs were in fact booing them mercilessly.

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