Confused NASCAR Driver Runs Over 30 Golfers During Attempt To Win FedEx Cup

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 39

Cat Congress Mired In Sunbeam

WASHINGTON—"We've come up against an unforeseen circumstance, but we'll resume deliberation and voting as quickly as is reasonably possible," said majority leader and Budget Committee chaircat Sen. Creamsicle (D-ND), stretching out to his entire length and repeatedly kneading the chamber carpet.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Eating

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Confused NASCAR Driver Runs Over 30 Golfers During Attempt To Win FedEx Cup

ATLANTA—Hoping to win the PGA tour's FedEx Cup, bewildered NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin critically injured 23 golfers and killed seven others while speeding across the East Lake golf course Thursday. "What—wait, hold on, which cup is this?" asked a visibly confused Hamlin, who after Thursday's tragedy remains 35 points behind first-place Sprint Cup driver Mark Martin. "Looking back, it was a little weird that I was driving on grass, striking people at high speeds, and not racing any other cars. But I'm a competitor, and if there's a cup, I'm going to try to win it." PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem later awarded Hamlin 150 FedEx Cup points for his effort.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More