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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Confused NASCAR Driver Runs Over 30 Golfers During Attempt To Win FedEx Cup

ATLANTA—Hoping to win the PGA tour's FedEx Cup, bewildered NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin critically injured 23 golfers and killed seven others while speeding across the East Lake golf course Thursday. "What—wait, hold on, which cup is this?" asked a visibly confused Hamlin, who after Thursday's tragedy remains 35 points behind first-place Sprint Cup driver Mark Martin. "Looking back, it was a little weird that I was driving on grass, striking people at high speeds, and not racing any other cars. But I'm a competitor, and if there's a cup, I'm going to try to win it." PGA Tour commissioner Tim Finchem later awarded Hamlin 150 FedEx Cup points for his effort.

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