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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Confusing 24-Player Trade Sends You, Scottie Pippen To Utah Jazz

SALT LAKE CITY—A multi-million-dollar blockbuster trade involving 24 players, six professional basketball teams, two hockey teams, and the Detroit Tigers' Triple-A affiliate Toledo Mud Hens eventually sent both you and retired Chicago Bulls All-Star forward Scottie Pippen to the Utah Jazz Tuesday. "I'm not exactly sure who we lost in the deal, but we're hoping that Scottie will be able to fill that void," Jazz general manager Kevin O'Connor said last night, adding that he also hopes you are comfortable with switching between both the point guard and small forward positions. "And, looking at the trade as a whole, I think [Sharks goalie] Evgeni Nabokov and [Dearborn, MI resident] Hank Glass will most easily be able to adapt to Phil Jackson's coaching style." Though O'Connor stated he believes that the Jazz came out on top in the complex transaction, he said Cleveland added real depth to their team with the addition of New Jersey Nets guard Jason Kidd and actor/comedian Paul Reiser.

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