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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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Confusion Among Boxing's Sanctioning Bodies Results In Manny Pacquiao Fighting Self For 3 Separate Belts

LAS VEGAS—The World Boxing Organization, International Boxing Federation, and World Boxing Association held separate press conferences Monday resulting in the eventual announcement that Manny "Pride of the Philippines" Pacquiao, a seven-time world champion, would fight Manny "The Mexicutioner" Pacquiao, considered the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world, in a title bout on New Year's Eve. "We are proud to have the world's top welterweight fighting the world's best lightweight for the light-middleweight title of the world," an amalgam of press releases from the three bodies read in part. "This New Year's, the eyes of the boxing world will be on Atlantic City, Memphis, and San Juan. Also Las Vegas, if Pacquiao gains the weight to move up to the light-heavyweight division so he can finally fight Pacquiao." Meanwhile, representatives of the World Boxing Council have continued to struggle with staging their own world-title bout, which was marred when Floyd Mayweather, Jr. suffered a shattered cheekbone during his weigh-in, having struck himself repeatedly in the face before handlers could separate him.

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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

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