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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Conga-Line Participant Beckons Ominously

VISALIA, CA—Wedding attendee Marc Spanos was badly shaken Saturday when a conga-line participant ominously beckoned him to join the grim, undulating human chain. "This large woman in a pink, sequined dress started waving and gesturing for me to come get on the end," Spanos said following the ordeal. "It all seemed to be happening in slow motion, like they all had evil grimaces and were laughing in deep, slowed-down voices." Spanos dodged the encroaching conga spectre by spilling scalding hot coffee on his tuxedo pants. "That was a close one," he said.

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