adBlockCheck

Recent News

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
End Of Section
  • More News

Congress Approves $40 Million To Fight Teens

WASHINGTON, DC—Taking a "zero tolerance" stance against the growing problem of young adulthood in the U.S., Congress approved legislation Monday allocating $40 million toward the fight against teens. "As much as we all wish it would, the problem of teens is simply not going away in this country," Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) said. "In fact, it's growing. I'm pleased we're finally starting to devote some real money and resources to the problem." Under the new legislation, any U.S. citizen found to be between the ages of 12 and 20 can be jailed for up to two years for a first offense. So-called "serial teens" can be jailed for life.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close