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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Congress Passes Natural Disaster Digital-Enhancement Funding

WASHINGTON, DC—Congress approved legislation Monday allocating more than $30 billion for digital enhancement of natural disasters. "It's bad enough losing loved ones to a volcano," Sen. Mike Dewine (R-OH) said, "without also being underwhelmed by bland, unimpressive disaster footage." Under the new law, all future tornados, mudslides, earthquakes, and other natural disasters must be rendered in the highest-resolution, most state-of-the art manner possible. The legislation comes just in time to satisfy critics of the recent floods in Texas, panned by many as "fake-looking" and "a B-grade disaster, at best." Congress is also debating whether to fund an $180 million remastering of 1979's Hurricane David in time for a 20th-anniversary re-release.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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