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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Congress Passes Seriously Uncool Legislation

WASHINGTON, DC—In a total buzzkill, the Senate on Friday passed some seriously lame legislation by a vote of 89-7, one week after the House was a complete tool and approved the same stupid bill.

"When we first heard about it, we were like, 'Come on, how weak is that,'" Cato Institute fellow David Berger wrote in a Monday New York Times op-ed, which encouraged Americans bummed by the vote to contact their representatives and call them on their bullshit. "Why doesn't Congress get off our backs, man? Those guys used to be pretty chill."

In response to numerous calls that President Bush veto the shit out of the bill, the White House released a statement urging bros to relax, they totally got this one.

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