adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Congress Passes Seriously Uncool Legislation

WASHINGTON, DC—In a total buzzkill, the Senate on Friday passed some seriously lame legislation by a vote of 89-7, one week after the House was a complete tool and approved the same stupid bill.

"When we first heard about it, we were like, 'Come on, how weak is that,'" Cato Institute fellow David Berger wrote in a Monday New York Times op-ed, which encouraged Americans bummed by the vote to contact their representatives and call them on their bullshit. "Why doesn't Congress get off our backs, man? Those guys used to be pretty chill."

In response to numerous calls that President Bush veto the shit out of the bill, the White House released a statement urging bros to relax, they totally got this one.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close