Congress Passes Seriously Uncool Legislation

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 24

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Personal Finance

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Congress Passes Seriously Uncool Legislation

WASHINGTON, DC—In a total buzzkill, the Senate on Friday passed some seriously lame legislation by a vote of 89-7, one week after the House was a complete tool and approved the same stupid bill.

"When we first heard about it, we were like, 'Come on, how weak is that,'" Cato Institute fellow David Berger wrote in a Monday New York Times op-ed, which encouraged Americans bummed by the vote to contact their representatives and call them on their bullshit. "Why doesn't Congress get off our backs, man? Those guys used to be pretty chill."

In response to numerous calls that President Bush veto the shit out of the bill, the White House released a statement urging bros to relax, they totally got this one.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More