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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Congress Raises Livestock Minimum Wage To $6.50 Per Hour

WASHINGTON—In response to mounting pressures from domesticated farm animals, Congress voted Monday to raise the minimum wage for livestock to $6.50 an hour. "A lot of these animals are on their hooves all day pulling 10-hour shifts down at the slaughterhouse," said Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA), who co-sponsored the first livestock minimum-wage increase since 1993. "This bill ensures sheep, goats, chickens, and cows a fair wage, and will allow them to continue putting corn and oats in the trough. The costs of barns, pens, and pastureland have increased—why shouldn't their paychecks?" President Obama said he would sign the bill even though it did not include the tougher regulations he had pushed for to discourage gender-based discrimination in the farmyard.

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