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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Congress Raises Livestock Minimum Wage To $6.50 Per Hour

WASHINGTON—In response to mounting pressures from domesticated farm animals, Congress voted Monday to raise the minimum wage for livestock to $6.50 an hour. "A lot of these animals are on their hooves all day pulling 10-hour shifts down at the slaughterhouse," said Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA), who co-sponsored the first livestock minimum-wage increase since 1993. "This bill ensures sheep, goats, chickens, and cows a fair wage, and will allow them to continue putting corn and oats in the trough. The costs of barns, pens, and pastureland have increased—why shouldn't their paychecks?" President Obama said he would sign the bill even though it did not include the tougher regulations he had pushed for to discourage gender-based discrimination in the farmyard.

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