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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Congress Revises 1997 Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings

WASHINGTON, DC—Following through on a promise to get tough on food, Congress unveiled its revised, stricter 1997 food-crime equivalency ratings Monday.

Legislators from both parties hailed the new ratings as a step in the right direction.

"This revision is a major victory in the fight against food crime," U.S. Sen. Alfonse D'Amato (R-NY) said. "Under the new standards, meat is still murder, but many other foods now come with much harsher penalties as well."

"It's about time we started cracking down on food," Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-NM) said. "After all, meat isn't the only crime."

Congress Revises 1997 Food-Crime Equivalency Ratings


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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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