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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Congress Wondering What Happened With That Whole Roger Clemens Thing

WASHINGTON, DC—Members of Congress wondered aloud yesterday whether or not they were supposed to follow up on former pitcher Roger Clemens' four-and-a-half hour testimony before the House Committee of Oversight and Reform or if "that whole thing was over." "Did we decide if we were actually going to do something with that? Or were we just, I don't know, asking?" Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD) asked fellow congressmen, adding that hopefully somebody wrote Clemens' testimony down just in case they do ever need it for anything. "I mean, nobody's said anything to me about it. I just saw him on television the other day and remembered he was here. That was Clemens that was here, yeah? Hey, why was he here anyway?" Cummings later asked if Clemens testified before Congress this year or last year, and was shocked to learn that his appearance was in fact just under two months ago.

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