DES MOINES, IA—In an effort to accommodate the tremendous influx of presidential candidates pouring into the state, Iowa Republican Party officials announced Tuesday the construction of a massive town hall stadium to play host to the campaigning.
WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking reelection in 2008, Rep. Lloyd Doggett (D-TX) will limit himself to sexual activity with his wife, Libby. "I love my wife and would never do anything that would weaken our sacred bond of marriage, or reduce my constituents' faith in me," said Doggett, who faces fierce competition in the next election due to recent redistricting. "Libby's been right at my side, and instrumental in my political career, through all our years of marriage." Seeing no possible negative ramifications, Doggett allows himself to jerk off while thinking about Naomi Watts.