WASHINGTON—Waiting in line and nervously watching as, one by one, his fellow presidential candidates took their turn inside the machine, Gov. Scott Walker told reporters Thursday that the GOP Female Experience Simulator had so far left every contender for the party’s nomination disoriented, confused, and deeply distressed.
WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking reelection in 2008, Rep. Lloyd Doggett (D-TX) will limit himself to sexual activity with his wife, Libby. "I love my wife and would never do anything that would weaken our sacred bond of marriage, or reduce my constituents' faith in me," said Doggett, who faces fierce competition in the next election due to recent redistricting. "Libby's been right at my side, and instrumental in my political career, through all our years of marriage." Seeing no possible negative ramifications, Doggett allows himself to jerk off while thinking about Naomi Watts.